hm... positive feedback is a very good tool for me, in small doses. I like to know I'm doing well, and often I can work under my own powers of observation, but the fact is, if I'm putting so much energy and time and passion into service for someone, it is really lovely to occasionally hear a compliment when something extraordinary occurs. On the other hand, constant thanks, gushing or compliments can wear thin pretty quickly.

I'm a big fan of the "butler book". Keeping notes on every little detail we learn from observation, experience and questioning/instruction about the person we serve and anyone they spend time with. Things like favorite foods, brands of groceries to buy, birthdays of relatives, allergies of people they entertain a lot, preferred stores for certain goods, how they like their laundry folded, how many cups of coffee in the morning, in the evening, etc.... Very useful for me!

I think it's very important for the top to analyze how the person serving tends to approach problems, figure out solutions and organize their lives. This can be a great basis for building a proper curriculum of training as well as roster of duties. We all approach things differently, and it's important to remember that while a service submissive may be totally willing to do things exactly the way you want, if you are running them in opposite directions then their own natural inclinations go, you're fighting an uphill battle and wasting energy and time that could be used for much better things.

That's a start... I'm teaching a class on Service from the perspective of a person who serves this Friday. Info below... but for now, gotta run!

discussion of BDSM related service.

Friday February 13, 2004 7:30-9:30p.m.

The Center
1800 Market
@ Octavia

screwup_sf@yahoo.com
for more information

Good luck on your class Lilith!

I've been to 8 or so QSM classes and have enjoyed all of them.

So My $.02 on your questions:

The best way to remember things is a very clearly stated correction scene. An example would be 10 strokes with a crop for not separating laundry correctly. The submissive should repeat the offense after each stroke and-importantly-know that repeated offenses will be dealt with in a progressively more strict (cane next time!) manner.

Regarding your friend (and I apologize if I'm out of line) he sounds like someone who is dominant with no empathy at all. I would guess that he has never been in a submissive role and doesn't really "get" that side of the D/S relationship.

The bottom lin is not only do submissives need feedback, we require it, crave it, and can never improve without it!

I hope this is helpful to you,

SM Sapphire

Lilith,

I think at least some time would be well spent on attitude and approach of a submissive to their tasks. It takes aout ten minutes to show someone of reasonable intelligence how to do my dishes, but it can take months to impress upon them that I want them to do it as both an active meditation and as a joyful expression of service. I'm less interested in precisely what they do than in how they approach what they do.

As for positive reinforcement, I'm with Laine, it's good in small doses. A smile, a nod, a thank you. I will not gush over clean laundry every time it's done. If I've specifically asked that it be done ind nothing happens, someone will spend time holding a quarter to the wall with their nose until I say it's time to stop. Both positive and negative have their place.


Loki (another top who enjoys being served)

Lilith,
On positive feedback, I support Laine and Loki's approach. No feedback leaves the submissive/slave in the dark as to how to progress. A slight smile or nod can be discreetly exhilarating. In many cases disappointment is the worst punishment, though physical when done correctly can be effective.

On 'care & feeding' I find that setting the example for quality is the best approach. Let submissives know the importance of each task, that each is a reflection of their honor in service, and respect for their dominant. I teach that I am not above each task assigned. I believe that dominants should have a clear understanding of what they assign, an intimate understanding, so that their expectations are reasonable, concise and educational. Pardon the association, but the teachings of Mr. Miagi in the little movie from the 80's was close to perfect.

There are always funny tricks to teaching that help overcome stumbling blocks. I had a slave that had a difficult time driving smoothly while I was in the car. Talking about it made her more nervous. I set a full glass of ice water between her legs and asked her to take me for a spin. She got it instantly.

good luck in your classes Lilith and Laine, I hope to catch them.

Alexi

I can see a possible reasoning behind withholding positive feedback to a service submissive. Perhaps this style would encourage a submissive to see and understand their own value without dependence on the dominant to validate them. I imagine that this treatment may work very well between certain dominants and submissives.

Echoing others, I work better with some simple positive feedback. Also, I appreciate specific methods where improvement is needed.

I believe there's a psychological theory on learning styles that says people learn by one of four distinct ways: reading, writing, hearing, speaking. I remember best by speaking what I wish to remember, for instance repeating driving directions.

I also find that demonstration can be a powerful means of teaching, particularly from a dominant. Firstly, this allows me to appreciate all this subtleties involved. Secondly, it engenders a feeling of trust and respect in that the dominant is showing me that he/she is fully capable of doing themselves what they are asking of me.

As to potentially valuable skills:
cooking (including wine selection)
cleaning (including wood care, silver care, etc.)
administrative (letter writing, phone inquiries, file management, bookkeeping, etc.)
massage
aesthetics (manicure, pedicure, facials, etc.)
fine arts (music, poetry, painting, etc.)
clothing care (including laundry, mending, leather care, boot blacking, etc.)
toy care (floggers, canes, etc.)
events management (lunches, dinners, tea, evenings out, etc.)
child care
specific or general sexual skills if included in the contract

diana