I now have a lover for whom I am a service submissive, among other things. But I discovered when doing the tasks for him I tended to let my own tasks go. So I did what any switchy service sub would do- I got a service submissive of my own.
I was struck by how interesting this was when I had my sub do the laundry so I could serve my Top over lunchtime.
Has anyone had this experience? How did it work out or not work out for you?
I was struck by how interesting this was when I had my sub do the laundry so I could serve my Top over lunchtime.
Has anyone had this experience? How did it work out or not work out for you?
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London
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Re: a different dynamic
Fri, June 1, 2007 - 10:01 AMThat's so cool Kitty!
I don't switch, so wouldn't find myself in your shoes - although i have found myself in the position of the service submissive to a switch.
So from that view it's always worked great for me! i feel safe knowing that the switch i serve understands my commitment and focus...from both sides. i often find myself feeling almost proud of Her flexibility - something i don't have much of and can honestly admire.
There is a safety in knowing that She will not ask me to take a Dominant role in any way...that i make Her life simpler in order to fill Her life in the ways that She chooses.
Although i have met some submissives that don't feel as great about serving Someone who is a switch...so i know i can't speak for the rest of the population. Looking forward to reading other peoples posts in response to yours though! -
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Re: a different dynamic
Sun, July 8, 2007 - 6:20 PMthis is still a struggle for me - serving another to the point of neglecting myself. i look at it as a growth opportunity for me - something i need to work on and do better.
i don't feel comfortable having someone else serve me .... i'm not even sure about having a sister or brother to serve beside.... i don't know yet what my solution is....
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Re: a different dynamic
Sun, July 8, 2007 - 11:04 PMMy Owner serves someone. She prefers not to use the term switch, but instead Power Fluid, which she coined using the concept of gender fluid as a model. In that realm, she is able to channel all aspects of power dynamics through her at any time and it's all contained in her overall headspace. For her, and for me, dominance and submission are not identities, but rather ways to engage with people. They do not exist in a vacuum, but instead are simply expressions of how we react with individuals.
The fact that my Owner honors all sides of herself, that she is an amazing servant as well as an amazing dominant, and that I get to have a part in the life of such a truly authentic person is all that I need. My surrender to her is not dependent on her relationships with others, regardless of dynamic. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Sun, July 8, 2007 - 11:54 PMi love that there are so many dynamics to explore - and none of them wrong!
i'm grateful to you all for sharing.... -
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Re: a different dynamic
Mon, July 9, 2007 - 7:40 AMThis is interesting to read since just recently i have been in an environment where i have been served. Being service oriented, i don't want to deny this wonderful person his opportunity to serve, but it is difficult for me to accept. i have to sit very still and not pick up my own dishes or get my own coffee, very difficult... -
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Re: a different dynamic
Mon, July 9, 2007 - 1:15 PMYou don't HAVE to accept someone else's service. I recently asked someone to NOT call me Ma'am unless they had specifically been ordered to do so. Without hesitating, they called me Ma'am again. I took it in and made a mental note to find out who the owner of said property was so I could clarifiy MY comfort level.
Along the same line, but different vein...
If someone is serving you in a manner in which you do not wished to be served, is it really service? Or is it just selfishness?
And something I came across this weekend... If you are in service to someone, do you follow all of the rules all of the time, or just when it is easy? Example, I had the pleasure of being VERY busy this weekend, but witnessed something first hand that troubled me greatly. A person who presents as an owned slave told me one thing and then, 10 minutes later, did the complete opposite of what I was told -- within eyesight. To me, the often harsh bitch of a slave that I am, immediately thought I was either A) lied to or B) said property didn't give a rats ass about following the Owner's protocols when it wouldn't be noticed. Bottom line, I believe the property reflects on the Owner and the Owner reflects on the property. At the end of all this, I don't look well on either because the words the property used when addressing me about the actions. When someone called attention to the situation, the property apologized, which I accepted, but it did not change my opinion.
Guess that was a rant. *g* Thanks for listening. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 10:11 AM>>If someone is serving you in a manner in which you do not wished to be served, is it really service? Or is it just selfishness?
My opinion is that it is not service. Every dominant has individual needs, wants, and desires. And as I said in another post, those may even change on a daily basis. My philosophy is that the servant should serve in the way that is asked of him. When I first collared my property, I think I devoted a solid 6 months working on this very concept with her...to let go of all the thoughts about what she thinks service is, and to do to things the way I ask of her in deeds, actions, and intentions. And of course, I do the same myself with the dominant I serve.
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 10:05 AMHehehe...since he is your service submissive, you get to decide how and when he serves you. :) So if you want to pick up your own plate, etc., that's your perrogative. He is there to make your life easier, not more complicated. And what you want him to do for you may change on a daily basis or situation-by-situation. All the situation requires is clear communication.
I've trained my property not to reach or grab for things (plates, coats, purses, etc). She is to wait until I nod or point or tell her to do something for me...or to ask me. Just because I have a servant doesn't mean I want her to do everything for me. ;)
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 9:53 AMI don't often get on Tribe, but was happy to pop on and see this thread. My property summed things up nicely here for our situation. The most important point I drew from her post is that, for me, it's a completely relationship-to-the-individual kind of thing rather than an overiding orientation. Over my many years in the scene, there has been only one woman with whom I feel submissive towards...and she is the dominant whom I serve. In all other contexts, I feel I am equal or dominant (as the case may be).
And yes, I have coined the phrase "power fluid" and have begun to present and teach about it at various leather events in the country. I would love to see it embraced and used. For me, switch seems more appropriate for a top/bottom situation, and I had not seen any other phrase or word that spoke to me as part of my own dominant/submissive power dynamic viewpoint. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 9:54 AM...my property is Mercedes, in case that wasn't clear. ;)
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 10:07 PMThinks of old camaro that has a new engine in the shed that I need to install and a rebuild kit for the transmission that needs to get done.
Eh, this is more fun.
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Re: a different dynamic
Tue, July 17, 2007 - 10:13 PMMore thoughts, I'm strict on the monogamy thing, I wouldn't be able to have a sub even STRICTLY for service while I'm serving another. Plus I don't like being the controlling force in a relationship which would make it awkward. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Thu, July 19, 2007 - 7:38 PMSpeaking from a non-BDSM experience, it was quite normal in our family to have our own personal attendant who diligently waited on our whims and needs. When I think about it now, I luxuriated in having my hair washed and brushed, my back washed, being massaged and having whatever packages carried by my attendant when I decided for her to accompany me on a shopping excursion. These days, that is no longer my reality.
Currently, I am a slave and admitedly, would not find it difficult to fall into the luxury of having a service submissive of my own. However, it is not my master's desire for me to possess one and I am in a space, a mindset if you will, where I find it truly luxurious and rewarding to be able to do all that I do in my master's name. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Thu, July 19, 2007 - 10:41 PMNow that is an interesting switch. I think it shows a strength of charector to go from being served to serving. Not in a kink way, but just being raised in a easy way and than making the choice to change. Not saying that it is a bad thing to be served, just that I know many people who were raised that way not appreaceating what they have. -
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Re: a different dynamic
Mon, October 1, 2007 - 3:49 PM
Just fyi, I've seen the phrase "Service Switch" to reflect someone who both serves, and is served, at the same time.
Steve.
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